That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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