That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
You have to summon your inner elephant
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Randomize
