Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
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