Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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