I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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