Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
