The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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