Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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