well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
