she looked like the bat from fern gully.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
