they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
