I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
