Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
