I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
