The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
