My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
