then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
