Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
