Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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