it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
