I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
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