My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
