Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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