I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I just googled if crying burns calories
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
