It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Less talking, more tequila
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
