I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
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