I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
