I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
