Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
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