The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
