I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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