life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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