cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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