those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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