I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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