Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
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