Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
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