i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Redeem this text for a blowjob
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
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