I got chris browned last night
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
