They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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