awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Randomize
