All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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