If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Randomize
