oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Terrible idea I love it
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
