he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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