just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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