I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
