You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
