I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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