haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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